No Wedding ! No Thanks !!

The event of turning 21 is an event of great significance in any traditional Tamil Brahmin girl’s life! No ofcourse, it has nothing to do with being able to drink legally or generally being to “get a life’ ( of your own) . At 21 people presume you are well .. ummm.. ready for marriage .. well whether you are ready or not is ofcourse a totally different issue ..

The wedding topic is as often repeated as the “Vishnu Sarasanamam” – only it is heard not only during the morning but also afternoon , evening and night and in different voices and trust me none of those voices ( Noisy uncles , curious aunts and more relatives ) are as sweet as M.S Subbalakshmi’s !The triggers to the topic are also many : For one you switch one any Tamil channel and God forbid there is a movie with a “poonu paakara” scene happen – they usually sigh ! ( loudly ) and talk about how soon it will be your turn!( yes like I am demented enough to wear a pure silk sari and a 100 Kgs of jewelry in the sweltering heat here in Chennai ! ), ofcourse there are many other triggers also , for example ‘jewelry ads “ , “bank –loan advertisements “ and well actually just about anything .

The search then starts – You see the tam Bram network is so well connected that it would put google to shame in terms of speed to search for the ‘perfect boy ‘ , the keywords are ofcourse : Engineer , US , Green card , Havard and then shift to the less superficial like “tall , fair ,good family” .Other seemingly inconsequential keywords which never make it to the list are “ interests , hobbies , attitude towards life, women etc etc “ all these questions are always answered with “ you can change him after marriage” – sure .. like he is some sort of project we embark on with the sole aim of changing everything possible !

Well, once the seeing and verifying process is over the “MDN – Maami Detective Network” works overt-time on the next stage of the process – shortlisting , all the data is compiled and sorted and verified and a 15 by 15 matrix is drawn with the options ploted in terms of looks, income , family and future prospects and with a precision which would put the CBI , FBI and Scotland Yard to shame the elusive “TOP 5 “ is chosen !

Ofcourse , while this entire process is happening the poor innocent bride to be is blissfully unaware of what is transpiring underneath . As any other unsuspecting 21 year old she goes about her daily work and slowly catches bits of conversation here and there about “such and such guy” – who is doing soooo well and soooo smart and sooo good-looking “ , ofcourse the poor, innocent unsuspecting girl is completely unaware that the statements are actually “booty traps” well laid out and planned months in advance and is intrigued by what she hears …

The usual drama follows .. and soon the one of the five makes it to the final cut and the couple flies off to some exotic destination for their happily every after …while the relatives watch on beaming with unconcealed pride .. well whoever said “MARRIGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN “ !

PhilTer KaaPI and ThaChi MaMMu

Q What would you call a person who drinks piping hot filter coffee at 12.p.m. when it is 45 degrees centigrade outside ?

Ans: A Tamil Brahmin !

Q) What would you call a person who finishes every meal ( be it Chinese , continental, Mexican, Italian) with curd rice ?

Ans : Well Tamil Brahmin ( again )

Lol , before the entire Mylapore and Mandhavlai comes behind me with broomsticks , I better confess that well I am one of them too and dam proud one at that , Yes yes yes … I do love curd rice and yeas like a countless number of you guys that was my nickname during both school and college and yeah for some weird reason it makes a fantastic ending to every meal which even “Tiramisu” or “Chocolate Truffle” can’t compete with !

Well , as the battle of the Iyers and the Iyengars continue and each fight for their supremacy , there are(believe me) two uniting aspect ( and no m not talking about higher education at MIT ! ) this aspect is the one quality which actually defines every Tamil Brahmin worth his salt – the love for Filter Coffee and curd rice !!

Alliances are made , property discussed , Kanjeevarm saris bought , diamond jewellery carefully selected , Pooja’s performed ,all under the powerful auspices of well.. filter coffee ! Filter Cofee has other properties too , the better a young Brahmin girl makes filter coffee – the more prepared she is for marriage ( well , considering how I make coffee , m gonna die a sad, old stooge ), It also happens to be the universal cure for anything ranging from a headache , to joint pains , back ache , fatigue etc etc… Of course this “amrithavarshini ( think that translates into nectar of life ) dosen’t stop with that , It also doubles as the perfect accompaniment for well just about anything , Idlis and coffee , meals and coffee , sandwich and coffee , toast and coffee HOWEVER .. there is one elusive being who refuses to be paired with the prestigious filter coffee and that insolent person is otherwise known as “Thiar Sadham “ fondly known as “Thachi Mammu “ !

Thair Sadham has a millions of patrons who swear by it , Any self-respecting Tamil Brahmin , despite doing his MMBS for 5 long years and then invariably going to Yale Med school or Berkly will still swear that curd rice is the aliment which will amileorate all sicknesses ! Whether it is fever or cough, diarrhea or tummy ache , digestive problems or PMS , never fear when curd rice is here !! The most unique quality of cur rice is that it can be used a) as snack b) a lunch-box ‘item’ c) as brunch /lunch/dinner and d) As all of the above . You get tired from school and your paati offers you curd-rice ! You not hungry and wanna go sleep , ma says – At least eat some curd-rice !! You stay up the whole night studying and when you are ravenous at 3.a.m .. guess what come to your rescue agagin ??Well .. curd-rice !!

Having said all this , no matter which part of the world Tamils have spread to today , and no matter how twisted their tanglisised accents are , for them home still means … thair sadham and filter coffee !!